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The Story of BioGraffs
Communication is fraught. We talk, we listen, we try to explain ourselves, and we hope the other person understands. Words fail us. Things that seem easy to understand — aren’t. You think the other person gets it — they don’t. You think you’ve been clear — not really. Sometimes, no matter how much we explain, the person in front of us just doesn’t see what we mean.
When talking about difficult and emotional topics, sometimes what we all need is a good editor.
I'm Jennifer Beman, a documentary film editor, with an illustrious career in storytelling. I've created a visual storytelling tool that brings the editor's process to people, to help them process and share their internal stories: how they feel, what they think, what meaning they create out of their experience.
Just as an editor takes the raw footage and shapes it into a compelling and emotionally resonate documentary, every human takes the raw material of their sensory input and shapes it into meaning and story in their heads. The tricky part for us all is getting that out of our heads and into other people's heads so they can understand it. It's a matter of organizing your thoughts into narratives.
But it started with sex.
In 2016, I started a monthly discussion group for women to talk openly about sex, called Women Uncorked. I initially thought I would make a documentary about women's feelings about sex. I mostly I wanted to create a safe space for honest, vulnerable conversations.
One night my husband and I were talking about our sex life, and I had an inspiration. I grabbed some old math manipulatives from our kids’ school days. I made a color-coded key of the typical ingredients in our sexual repertoire and then arranged the cubes to show what I liked, in what order, and how much of each. We played around with mapping out different scenarios and preferences: a quickie, a leisurely Saturday afternoon, his favorite flow, mine. It was fun, clear, and unexpectedly revealing — for both of us.
I took the idea to my Women Uncorked group. Soon, we were all making colorful timelines of ideal sexual experiences. It was surprisingly powerful. Naming the pieces of sex, arranging them, made it easier to understand and to talk about.
The next year, I decided to turn it into an interactive art installation: The Graphic Sex Project. I intended it as a way to open up conversations about sex, and de-shame sex by showcasing the tremendous diversity of people's sexual preferences.
Hundreds of people made cube-based 'graphs' of their sexual preferences various art happenings, and later in workshops. The cubes gave people a way to see themselves more clearly — and a fun way to start conversation they may have been avoiding: "hey, let me show you this funky thing I made and tell you about it."
From Sex to Everything Else
The pandemic shut down my fun with the Graphic Sex Project. But that's when I realized that makes BioGraffs good for talking about sex — its playfulness, the breaking down of story into its parts, the way it's a catalyst and support for challenging conversations — makes it good for talking about so much else.
I began working with people to use cubes to talk about so many other things:
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Their depression and anxiety
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Their grief
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Their relationship issues
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Their values and how they manifest in their lives
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Their goals for the future
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Arguments they keep having
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Their struggles as a parent
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Perspectives on their history
Literally anything.
And that’s how BioGraffs was born. They are little 'graphs' from your biography.
I found that therapists and coaches love using this as part of their toolkit working with clients. It's something they can have on their shelf and put out whenever words aren't enough, when their client feels stuck, or isn't sure what to talk about, or what they even think.
It’s a method for turning your internal world into a visual map. A way to move beyond language when language fails. It's your story, well-edited. A way to say, “See what I mean?”
USING BIOGRAFFS
Making a BioGraff can be powerful: you might realize some things from the new perspective you get. But there's more to the BioGraff experience.
Sharing your BioGraff is the real BioGraff superpower. Talk about it. Take a picture of your BioGraff and send it to someone that you want to understand you better. Your BioGraff can help shape a conversation so you feel more understood and more heard. For more connection and understanding. Your story: well-edited.
Here you'll find some ideas for using your BioGraffs.
Or jump ahead for a step-by-step how-to on the BioGraffs method
Self-reflection and Introspection
BioGraffs is visual journaling. What is your experience in this world? What is it like to be you? You can make a BioGraff about any issue that is on your mind, to gain clarity and understand yourself better.
Making a BioGraff generates realizations, and then prepares you to talk about about it. Or just to think about it more deeply.
Go as deep as you want. BioGraffs will be with you there. Create an image to take with you and reflect on. It's journaling without a lot of the writing part!
To Talk About Something Emotional, Difficult, or Complex
In a typical conversation, does it ever feel like the other person is just thinking about what they are going to say when you stop talking, just waiting for their turn? It's actually really typical of human conversation. And it can make it hard to really tell your whole story.
Your BioGraff is like a talking stick with pictures. It holds your place in a conversation, and holds attention.
With your BioGraff between you, now there is a focus. The BioGraff invites curiosity and creates the opportunity to expound on particular points in your story, without losing the main thread.
The visual can help you share your perspective about a difficult topic AS A STORY. This give both you and the listener just enough distance from what you are communicating so that you can connect on what your story is really saying. Try it out, and see how it changes the conversation.
Date Night Activity
BioGraffs can be a deeply connecting activity to do with a partner - and it can be really fun too!
Your BioGraffs set has enough cubes for you and your partner to each make a BioGraff. Pick out a title to try together. You might be really surprised what comes up!
Make BioGraffs of your favorite sexual flow and then compare - how are they the same or different?
Make BioGraffs of a conflict, and see how the other sees it
Make BioGraffs of a good day together, and then try to have it!
When you are ready to talk about your BioGraffs, take turns telling the story. Let one of you tell the whole story of their BioGraff, and let the other person focus on listening. Here's some tips for what the listening partner should try to do:
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Repeat back what you are hearing to make sure you have it right: "So you are saying you want to lie in bed talking about our plans, first. Is that right?"
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Ask questions about the BioGraff: "What does it mean that this red cube is down here?"
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Ask for more: "Tell me more about these blue cubes," or "Say more about how this feels."
For Parents and their Kids
BioGraffs is a way for families to talk to each other, hear each other's perspective, and understand each other better. Making BioGraffs together brings out the most reluctant talker.
Would you like to understand more about what's going on in the life of your teen? Bring out the BioGraffs and use them to share hopes and dreams, struggles, worries, concerns. BioGraffs will get your teen talking.
Getting on the same page in Life
Do have plans for the future or a big change to make with another person, like a partner, or a child? BioGraff it!
Try each making a BioGraffs about your expectations or hopes. Then compare and discuss. You might be surprised how different your ideas actually are when you thought you were in agreement. Use the BioGraffs to come to a place of more clarity.
For Great Conversation on a Friend's Night Out
Talk about the important stuff, and make sure everyone gets heard on your next friends get-together. BioGraffs quickly focuses the conversation on what's really going on for people. Use with one friend or a group. What holds you together? How can you be there for each other?
Let everyone browse the titles and find one most relevant to their lives. Allow about 15 minutes for people to make their BioGraffs. Go around the circle and let everyone share something about themselves with a BioGraffs story. Especially great if there's some people that tend to talk less in a group.
Get a set for everyone - or use other objects so everyone can make a BioGraff.
Here are some other things that can work instead of cubes:
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buttons
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cut up construction paper
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stickers (but stick them to something so they can be moved around. Like put them on pennies)
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beans, nuts, dried fruit
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candy
Neurodivergency and Differing Conversational Strengths
BioGraffs can be really helpful for neurodivergent folks who might have differing ways of communicating their perspectives, or anyone who has a hard time saying something important.
BioGraffs is a different way of organizing one's thoughts that may be particularly well-suited to some people's way of thinking.
For Psychedelic Prep and Integration
A psychedelic journey creates meaning that is difficult to put into words. Integration is a process of taking the wisdom gained in the experience and bringing into daily life, to allow the power of a transformative experience to carry forward.
BioGraffs creates a way to tie complex thoughts to discrete objects, that can be manipulated to express the ineffable. A single cube is tagged to a few words that represents an entanglement of thoughts, which is then is transformed an interrelated whole through design and metaphor. In the storytelling phase of the method, the legend will serve as a reminder of the whole, without having to have gone through the constrictive process of creating whole sentences, and maintains visually each idea's connection to a bigger picture. An good alternative, or addition, to journaling in the process of integration.
Get Mine!
Here's How it Works:
The BioGraffs Method
BioGraffs was designed in collaboration with psychotherapists to aid people in self-awareness and connection.
Making a BioGraff can seem odd a first. Telling a story with cubes??
Maybe your therapist recommended it to you, for homework. Or maybe you came across it and thought it would be useful for your own inner journey, solo. Or maybe you want to use it with a friend or partner for more understanding and connection. You are in charge of where this takes you. The basic exercise is extremely flexible and depends entirely on what YOU want to explore.
Why it works:
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Externalizes an internal story. Often, things that bounce around in your head for a long time look completely different when you get them outside yourself and look at them in a new way
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Slows down thinking. The mind can be a chaotic place, jumping from idea to idea; justifying, backtracking, rationalizing. The BioGraffs method helps untangle our internal stories and regard each strand separately.
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Distances us from language. Once you define the cubes, you are done with words. You can explore the ideas more abstractly
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Harnesses metaphor. People making a BioGraff naturally reach for spatial metaphors as they lay out the cubes and this adds meaning and gets at more emotional connections
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Is inclusive of alternate communication styles. For people that are less verbal, BioGraffs can be a helpful way to externalize their thoughts and feelings
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Creates space. In the sharing portion of the BioGraffs experience, the structure of storytelling and the visual aid add support to the people who tend to talk less in a conversation and keeps the amount of "floor time" more even.
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Encourages active listening. Sharing BioGraffs restructures conversation. Conversation becomes more turn-taking, which each partner focused on the perspective the other is sharing.
